This week's column comes from our Sports Correspondent, Tones Masterson. With years of experience playing and writing in the baseball and sports world he has been left battered, literally and literally, and is just in the right state of mind to bring you the sports you crave.
With the economy in shambles and your 401(k) worth slightly more than a punch in the crotch, it’s easy to understand if Americans are a little preoccupied with their own problems.
But amidst these turbulent times of financial uncertainty, an international war is being waged. Like every other battle we, as a country, have fought since World War II, the combat is unconventional and the soldiers are once again battling to prove their country’s supremacy over their foreign oppressors. This war, however, is being fought under the clever guise of an international baseball competition. The bullets have been replaced by baseballs and wooden bats have once again become the weapon of choice for the men along the front lines
Yes, I am speaking of the World Baseball Classic. Or should I say, World War III? No? I should say World Baseball Classic? If I must.
The breadth of this battle extends far beyond anything we have ever seen in our history of foreign combat. USA vs. Germany? Please, ‘twas little more than a misunderstanding compared to our current situation.
Sixteen countries began the wartime campaign over a week ago and only eight remain. The attrition rate of once proud nations is absolutely staggering. Where only nine days ago they stood and proclaimed to the world that they would not go quietly into the good night, that they would not go down without a fight, the walking wounded of such cavalier countries as Italy, Australia, South Africa, Canada, Panama, China, and the Dominican Republic have quietly returned to their respective countries.
But there would be no parade for these fallen heroes, only shame and bitter disappointment at their failure to represent their nation in a war that, by definition, should end all wars.
As I stare out over the ghastly field that once held the dreams of so many earnest young men, I am left with only the consolation that America, the nation of my birth, still remains in the final field of eight. Joining these renegade patriots on the pasture of battle are Japan, Cuba, Puerto Rico, the Netherlands, Korea, Mexico, and Venezuela. Each nation believes their chances are strongest to emerge victorious from the smoky gunfire, but are their optimistic dispositions warranted? And how do they stack up against our fearless American fighters?
Japan: The Americans are hoping they will not have to react so strongly this time around with the Japanese. You can bet their last meeting will be in the back of the Japanese players’ minds when they step onto the field.
Cuba: A longtime nemesis of the United States, Cuba won’t need any outside help from the Russians to pull off this upset. A powerful lineup of relative unknowns could derail any hope the Americans possess, but with the battles being held in Miami and San Diego, don’t be surprised if some of the Cuban soldiers defect from their home country once they land on our shores and experience the wonders of the brand new Taco Bell value menu.
Puerto Rico: A protectorate of the United States (which they better not forget), these men are apparently still a bit miffed about their lack of representation in our highest levels of government. A defeat of the Americans, however, might leave the tiny island isolated from any outside aid in future battles.
The Netherlands: A surprise addition to the field of eight, the Netherlands showed grit and determination in knocking off the much more powerful Dominican nation in their initial assault. The question will be, will they have enough firepower left to take on the world’s most almighty republics?
Korea: Living in the shadow of Japan can have its advantages. On one hand, Japan’s might can overwhelm you in many areas (their mathematical precision is utterly astounding), but on the other hand, it can also lead other nations to underestimate the army your country has been forming since a crushing defeat at the hands of the United States in the mid-1950s.
Mexico: This country sure can use their lumber in an effective manner, but take away their big guns and el Dia de los Muertos could come early this year.
Venezuela: The only country to knock back the United States in the opening battle, this country’s will is strong. Look for them to take pages out of the book of their Columbian neighbors and attack their adversaries with guerilla-like advances.
My prediction?
Last time I checked baseball, like war, is America’s national pastime. We invented it. We perfected it. We dominated it.
Now, we just need to reclaim the fire our forefathers once possessed when they founded this great country. This international battle would never have been waged without America and it damn well will not end with us vanquished by an inferior foe. The United States shall rise and reclaim what is rightfully theirs.
Go America.
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